My Battles…

Well. The arrangement for “All The Time” is almost done (90% of it). I have a CD copy of the mock up draft playing on iTunes now, but I can’t seem to shake the constant thoughts and doubts inside myself. I find myself at a discord with my own self and my desires in relation to this whole idea. Just stop for a moment and chew on that sentence. 🙂 I guess the issue comes down to me always underestimating myself and the product that my hands and ears create when it comes to doing something bigger than myself in music.

I have to confess (if you didn’t already know) that I have this thing about being a perfectionist. Even my work space is neater than everybody else’s. So with this curse (as I call it now) comes a lot of insecurity to everything I do when I don’t think that I made the grade. Almost unwillingly, as usual, I have much insecurity about this whole project we are doing. Every time I think about the hundreds of artists, arrangers, sound engineers, and musicians who are out there in the spotlight and I compare them to what comes out of my speakers I cringe inside because I know that I’m still “green” in comparison with what I do. I have been so “blessed” (If you can call it that) to see this gap between my work and the work of true professionals that I often freeze up and step back when time comes to perform something along the lines of what we are now doing.

So for me this project has been nothing short of constant “what ifs” and doubts. I would appreciate any prayers you can utter that God would use me and the guys and the girl to His glory and that He would lead us in this project and provide His inspiration because I know that if I rely on myself or we rely on our own power it will be another session of back tracking, doubting, and self-fulfillment seeking, which will not go further then the walls of the studio. I pray that God would use this song to touch peoples’ hearts regardless if we win the competition or not; I pray that this song would be (first of all) a tool for God and not a stepping stool for our own selfish desires for spot light. 🙂 Blessings…

– Max

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